Everyone is Unique, Right?
The simple answer is YES.
Even though you share your Perceptual Style with a lot of other people (as in 1/6th of the world), you are still unique as an individual. Let me explain...
When you meet a person with the same Perceptual Style, there’s an almost instantaneous feeling that “here’s someone who understands me.”
You’ll experience an almost instant bond as you relate quickly and easily and without a need to explain yourself. It is as if you’ve found a kindred spirit.
You’ll know in your heart that here is a person who “gets it.”
C.C. Lewis captured the feeling you get when you meet someone who shares your Perceptual Style with his quote “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
The communication challenges that surface eventually result from assuming the other person thinks exactly like you do all the time … and forgetting that things like life experience make a big difference. You may see the world the same way, but your lives have been uniquely different.
When you hit a conflict, it’s because there is a very real difference between the two of you—a “what is most important,” not a “how.”
Each of you will be basing your position on personal experience that cannot be distilled and given to the other person to absorb.
I worked for several years with a wonderful guy who was also Vision. Ours was an easy working relationship, we both got “the big picture”, we enjoyed problem solving by brainstorming, we sensed issues brewing at almost the same time, we comfortably shared our intuition or “gut feel” about things.
But when we hit a conflict, it was tough. I remember one in particular where we face. It was a small crisis on a project team, but it had significant monetary and contract implications.
One of us wanted to take immediate action, the other wanted to take a three-step approach over the course of two weeks. We each held strong convictions that our solution was the right one.
Those discussions were tense and uncomfortable. We had always relied on our ability to see things pretty much the same way and this disconnect was threatening. There were a few hurt feelings on both sides, but we worked through it because there was a lot at stake for the project.
When we talked about it later on, it was clear that our disconnect was based on our personal experience in dealing with similar situations in the past.
And that’s exactly what happens with same style conflict. Simple disconnects between same style people can feel more personal than any other because they trigger our basic need to defend our values and beliefs.
The key to solving these conflicts is that each person allows themselves to acknowledge they each have different perspectives because of different experiences, and that’s okay. No one needs to win; just agree to find common ground you can use to move on.
Once you are aware of same style conflict, and how intense it can feel, it’s easier to recognize when it happens. Give yourself a few moments to breathe and recognize it’s not as personal as it feels in the moment. Give each other the opportunity to share context. Allow yourselves the gift of compromise.
By the way, my Vision friend and I still stay in touch, 20 years later. All the good parts of sharing a Perceptual Style far outweigh the inevitable disconnects, which we keep in perspective!
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About Lynda-Ross Vega
Lynda-Ross Vega is a partner at Vega Behavioral Consulting, Ltd. She specializes in helping corporate leaders, entrepreneurs, and individuals with interpersonal communications, team dynamics, personal development, and navigating change. Lynda-Ross is co-creator of Perceptual Style Theory, a revolutionary behavioral psychology theory and assessment system that teaches people how to unleash their natural strengths and build the life and career they dream of. For free information on how to succeed in business and in life doing more of what you do best, visit https://www.YourTalentAdvantage.com.
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